Chat Up Lines
by Meg-Of-The-Moon
Summary: Oliver goes for a night out with his team. The weasley kids take Percy out to get him drunk on his birthday. A few OCs and PwOw
1. Birthday Boy and Teased Jock

**Chat Up Lines**

Basic character info before start of the story: Percy and Oliver are about 26.

Jesse and Luke both have sandy blonde hair and look similar but Jesse is 25 and Luke is 20. Luke is shorter with brown eyes and big lips (he's actually based on a guy I saw at college who is absolutely gorgeous, sporty AND all A grades in his subjects). Jesse has Green eyes and was a gryffindor in the year below Oliver and Percy. Tom is tall and thin, but has muscles and has curly black hair and looks like the guy from the british head and shoulders advert (everyone knows a guy like mickey). Jeanie is Tom's cousin and is about 23, with reddish brown hair and in this wearing a denim skirt, brown boots with a white vest top and a white mesh shirt over that.

On with the story:

"Come on, Wood. Join the fun. It'll be a laugh" Tom D'Arcy, a tall, lithe man with thick black curls grinned. He was one of the Beaters of Puddlemere United. Oliver Wood, keeper, groaned softly, as he looked around his group of friends, several pairs of eyes glinted with mischief. He was headed to certain doom. "Aww come on, Ollie, Please? We're all doing it" Even sweet Luke Zambini, Gryffindor brother of the Slytherin Blaze battered his eyelids. Luke was undoubtedly the baby faced charmer of the team. He was shorter then the rest at 5 foot 8, sandy blonde hair and large, brown eyes. He was also the youngest, having only become a starter player after two years as a reserve, only twenty one. Luke titled his head slightly and shot Oliver a doe-eyed look, Jesse Jackson, Tom's partner in crime rested his head on Luke's shoulder and shot a similar, puppy dog look. Jesse was only slightly taller then Luke and had sparkling green eyes but a similar shade of sandy blonde hair, they almost looked like twins.. Almost.

"We'll find you a fit looking bird, Ol" The only girl of the team, Jeanie D'Arcy, Tom's cousin, grinned. It was common knowledge in the team that Oliver was gay, everyone on staff knew too.. Except Oliver wasn't gay, he was bi-sexual. He did prefer men over women though usually. "Or a bloke if that's what you want Ollie" Luke smiled. Oliver just gave a nervous chuckle, the others joined in.

"I'll go first! Luke.. Pick me someone" Tom downed the rest of his fire whiskey as Luke scanned the area.

* * *

"If you like him go ask him out" Ginny Weasley growled light heartedly at her elder brother, Percy. She'd pulled him out, cornering after work and had taken him out drinking. Today was his birthday but he'd not told anyone about it. Fred and George were currently waiting to meet Bill and Charlie at the London AirFloo, where international floos landed. Charlie and his team had discovered some wall paintings and scripture that held pictures of dragons and had asked his brother Bill to come and see if he could help shed some light on their origins.

"It's not simple as that, Gin" Percy sighed morosely as he looked over towards a booth near the other end of the bar, filled with several good looking Rugby players. "What are you talking about, Percy? It _is_ that simple. You just get off your scrawny arse, go over there and ask him out!" She glared at him, slamming her bottle of IceVodka to the bar, a little harder then she'd meant. Percy just couldn't. Penelope Clearwater had been in touch with him lately and had mentioned wanting to get back together. They'd broken up because she wanted to have fun

And Percy had really tried desperately to avoid doing anything sexual with her. They'd been apart for a year now but it seemed she'd changed her mind now that she'd had her fun. Only now, whilst Percy had loved her before, albeit, as a sister, he now felt that any feelings for her at all had gone completely. He wasn't sure how to tell her that. "Gin, that's Oliver Wood, _Oliver WOOD_" Percy was slightly red in the face as he stressed the name of a guy he lived with for seven years at school. Brown eyes stared at him expectantly. Apparently Ginny didn't get it. He sighed and flung himself onto the bar, banging his head against folded arms before looking to her again. "Oliver Wood was my closest friend while I stayed at Hogwarts, he was there for me through everything… He was the quidditch captain with every girl fawning over him.. He's the Puddlemere captain now. He can have _anyone_." Ginny seemed to find Percy's heart felt confession hilarious because the pretty red head threw her head back and laughed so hard that she fell from the seat, forgetting that there wasn't a back to it. Percy blushed and slipped from his own seat to help her up.

Once seated, and over the fit of giggles, Ginny continued on her pep talk. "Come on, Percy.. Do it for me? It is your birthday. It was reported in the papers that Oliver is possibly gay. And forget about Penelope, she's a cowbag and well" She was cut off.

"Everyone knew that Oliver Wood fancied the pants off of you" George and Fred's voices suddenly finished her sentence. Percy spun round to see his five brothers. Bill was sat on the chair besides him, Charlie was propped against the bar and the twins had arms slung over each other's shoulders. Percy gaped at them. Lying bastards.

* * *

"Pick a number between one and ten" Tom leant against the bar beside a girl with shoulder length blonde hair. She turned from her friend, eyebrows quirked in confusion "Pardon?". Tom chuckled and signaled to the bartender for a drink. "Pick a number between one and ten, beautiful" She shrugged and looked back to her friend who giggled. The friend whispered in her ear and the blonde said "Seven". Tom frowned, and gave his head a light shake . "You lose, beautiful. Clothes off" He cast her a playful grin and the blonde gave him a look of disgust but the friend again whispered something into her ear and she turned back to him. "It was her number so she'll strip" The blonde nodded her head to her friend and the girl smiled flirtatiously. As the bartender placed a shot of fire whiskey on the bar, Tom asked for two more and moved to stand between them.

The quidditch players still at the table began to laugh, Tom had been turned down by

By the blonde but had been accepted by the friend. But by looks of it he was trying to get the two of them into his bed. They all laughed at the boy till Jeanie nudged Luke in the ribs, reminding him that it was his turn to get someone to choose him a target. As he was about to choose Oliver to pick him a target a large breasted and rather plump woman. Her hair was curled and loose but the colour changed and the different lengths changed coloured, making it look like a moving rainbow. As she reached their table the group looked up and she flipped her hair over her shoulder grinning. She clamped a hand onto Luke's shoulder and he visibly gulped, brown eyes going larger than Oliver thought possible. She bent and licked his ear before whispering "Ever been hunting before, Big boy?" She purred at him with a leering look as her hand began to slide down his chest. He squeeked and tried to stop it but she used her other hand to grab his. He closed his eyes and shook his head violently. "Well then, why don't you come to my cabin with me and I'll show you how to stuff a beaver" Luke's eyes flew open and before anyone had a chance to react he scrambled over Jeanie's lap and threw himself onto Jesse. "Girl, hands off my brother" Jesse snapped his wrist and cuddled the blonde closer, kissing him on the forehead before glaring again at the woman. She looked somewhat surprised and cast her view over to Oliver who shook his head before glaring at Jeanie and stomping off. Jeanie finally let out the laughter she'd been holding in and collapsed onto the table quivering. Jesse lifted Luke over her, dropping the lightweight young man half on Jeanie's back and half onto the seat. The pair squirmed for a moment then sorted them selves out.

Luke shifted to sit next to Oliver and looked around the bar before noticing a group of seven red heads. He squinted and realized it was the infamous Weasley children. "Woah! Would you look at that.. All seven of them and they all look pretty much the same" Oliver gave a nod of agreement, he'd been staring at them all night. "Hey, Oliver, isn't that Percy near Ginny? He's not wearing his glasses" Jesse had been a Gryffindor in the year below Oliver and Percy so had known the two, or Oliver at least, pretty well. Jeanie turned around and whistled. The group had all grown up to be gorgeous, all having filled out, Percy especially. His hair shone a fiery red and his facial features were more chiseled. He'd put on weight and looked healthier, the sickly white library induced complexion had given way to a tan that was thought impossible for red heads. Oliver noted that Percy had also taken some fashion advice since they'd last met. He was wearing a black suit with a satin shine, underneath that a crisp white shirt with a loosened red tie. Oliver felt under dressed in his own white shirt and jeans. It was tight enough to emphasize the muscles he'd acquired from his vigorous training routine. Jeanie turned in her seat and let out a low whistle of appreciation. They turned towards

Her. "Who are the hotties.. The one in the suit with the red tie and the one in the blue and black striped t-shirt?" Jesse and Oliver looked for the blue and black top and noted that it was Charlie, wearing a plain striped tee and black jeans. He still had his quidditch physique, working with dragons either gave him a similar work out or enough spare time to spend hours in a gym. Jesse grinned " The stripes is Charlie, he was the Gryffindor captain before Oliver, second oldest of them. Suit is Percy, he's the second oldest and had a thing for our Ollie" Luke and Jeanie turned to Oliver in interest, eyebrows raised. Oliver blushed, shaking his head rapidly. There was no way someone as smart as Percy would fancy him. He was the stupid jock, Percy probably laughed at how stupid he was. But they had been good friends over the seven years they shared a dorm together. "Then I vote that Ollie chats up Percy" Jeanie cackled.

"Woods looking over here and Percy, baby, he's looking at you" Charlie nudged Percy's shoulder, making him blush. Bill chuckled quietly to himself before looking to his two younger brothers "And the girl is looking at both of you". Charlie instantly perked up at that and saw that she was. She said something to Wood, who ducked his head, then eyed the two up again. Charlie caught her eye and winked, gaining a laugh then turned to the bar and finished his drink, ordering two more shots of fire whiskey. Once given them, he headed towards the Quidditch players' table. "Wish me luck, men!" He bellowed, gaining a shout from Ginny who bounced a peanut off the back of his head.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Dedicated to Tabby and my friend Gary. I got bored so I was finding funny chat up lines and sharing them with my friend Gary, but Tabby asked me to write something as she is looking for fics to inspire her to draw something.

I'm tempted to do another story with various situations of Oliver and Percy using pick up lines on each other. Don't worry! There is more to it :)


	2. Sleep on your stomach?

**Chapter Two**

Charlie puffed his chest out slightly, making his way to the Quidditch players' table and sat himself down next to Jeanie. He grinned and put one of the drinks infront of her, and downed his own. "Well, well, well if it isn't Woodsie and Jackson. How are you two boys holding up?" Charlie shook hands with Jesse and leant across the table to give Oliver a hard slap on the back after pulling out of an embrace. Jeanie grinned and turned herself towards Charlie, twirling a strand of her around her finger. Oliver shook his head at her, letting Jesse talk. "Well Char, we're not bad.. Having a well deserved night out, and damn, you're still in shape.. Those dragons of yours hard work?" Jeanie made a noise of interest and sat herself slightly closer so her knees brushed Charlie's. "Don't you know it.. They have a love of chasing us keepers. So.. Oliver, did you notice Percy over there?" Oliver gave a nod, flushing :Why don't you go talk to him? He wants to come talk to you but he's shy" Charlie winked. Oliver gave a nod and looked towards the brothers, Percy was talking to George but kept looking over.

"So Wood, Jackson, why weren't these two on my team?" Charlie indicated to Jeanie and Luke who both smiled. Jesse started telling Charlie how the two had gotten onto the team but part way through he felt a hand on his knee and noticed the fire whiskey he'd given to Jeanie was gone. He smiled. Her hand slipped along his thigh, moving torturously slow. "Wassssuuuup" Jeanie's cousin Tom staggered over, the two girls from earlier clinging to his arms and swaying at his sides. Jeanie pulled her hand away as the three got close. "We're heading off to Melinda's for the night so don't wait up kids" The friend of the blonde grinned, giving a slight wave before Tom diverted them off towards the exit, leaving the rest laughing.

"Ollie, You've got to go use a chat up line on Percy remember" Jeanie put conversation to Oliver, putting her hand back on Charlie's knee and squeezed. She shivered slightly when he put his own on her own leg. Oliver tried to think of some excuse to stay with the group but couldn't. "He really likes you Oliver" Charlie eyed Oliver and the brunette keeper found it hard to look at Charlie, his eyes were the same colour as Percy's. Charlie turned his attention back to Jeanie with a grin "So.. A chat up line you say?".

"And then he can bend you over the kitchen table and the dog will .." THWAP!

Percy hit Fred across the back of the head and George slid subtly away from his twin. Bill laughed at his younger siblings antics as Ginny leant from her seat and

Threw her arms around Percy. "Don't worry Percy! It'll all go ok.. Plus Charlie will worn him that it's your birthday so he'll..." Ginny was interrupted by Fred suddenly bursting in, much to the annoyance of his siblings. "Bum you then dump you the next day" George slapped Fred across the back of the head and everyone blanched. Fred could go a little too far sometimes. George pulled Fred towards the bathrooms, deciding that his twin needed some water splashing on his face and a good talking to, whilst Ginny leant over to talk to Bill. Percy, again thirsty, decided to get the next round whilst his siblings were distracted. He'd only buy for himself, Ginny, Bill and George so it wasn't like he was buying a full round but being the birthday boy, they'd all banned him from paying.

The bartender was at the other side of the bar so Percy pushed himself from his stool and told his eldest and youngest sibling that he'd be back in a moment before moving towards the other end. The bartender was chatting with a plump woman with multi coloured hair. She was flirting, blatantly pushing her breasts towards the barkeep. Percy shuddered, feeling sorry for the man. He ordered an Ice Vodka and three alcoholic butter beers, they'd lately been introduced, a blend of the original butter beer and a mix of various drinks.

"Do you know what has 24 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?" A nasal voice from behind Percy made him jump and he felt a pair of hands on his hips. Behind him stood a man of about 40 with a comb over that was fooling nobody and a rather large beer belly. Percy tried to squirm away but found himself trapped against the bar. Moments later another person came into sight, settling on a barstool next to them. "Well it certainly ain't your fly, mate". A Scottish chuckle came from the newcomer and Percy froze. He knew that voice anywhere. Oliver flexed a muscles before wafting his hand at the balding man. "Buggar off, daft cunt" The guy growled, pulling Percy towards him. Oliver glared back and reached to take the man's hands, shuddering slightly. He pulled at one of his thumbs then placed him own thumb over the stranger's thumb nail, his index finger on the joint and squeezed them together. The guy pressed his teeth into his lip, obviously straining under the pain till he yelped and let go. He made a swing for Oliver but the keeper grabbed his knuckles and pushed his wrist back, making the man yelp again. He scooted off, grumbling. Percy breathed a sigh of relief and opened his mouth to speak but was cut short by Oliver. "I so wouldn't have used that line" The scot snorted, a playful grin on his lips. "Oh? And what would you have used, Mr Wood?" Percy eyed Oliver, gave his order to the bartender who had finally noticed him and waited for the scot to continue. "You've got something on your arse" Percy twisted to look, suddenly panicked. Oliver burst out in barks of

Laughter. "My eyes" He winked and added a plain butter beer to the order and paid before Percy again had chance. Percy was blushing. "Happy Birthday, mate" Oliver winked, clanking his own drink against Percy's in a toast before helping him to carry the drinks to his siblings. Percy laughed. "So Charlie told you then. I knew he'd have something to do with this" Oliver quirked his brows at this, shaking his head. "Nothing to do with dumb Wood's memory… Jock's don't have brains" Oliver sighed, lowering his head and Percy looked dumbfounded. "No! Nothing like that. I just.. They.. My siblings.. Wanted me to.. And then Charlie went.. And then you.. And I thought that.. " Percy was going red, flipping from sentences and not finishing them. Oliver laughed. Percy was more handsome but he was still the same old Percy. "You're a bloody numpty, you know that"

They set the drinks down and Ginny and Bill after a few moments noticed Oliver's presence, eyes going wide. "Hi Oliver" Bill shook hands and patted Oliver on the shoulder, eyes moving towards Percy whilst Ginny said hi and stuttered slightly. She hadn't really expected either of them to start talking to each other. She turned away and downed half her Ice Vodka with a hiccup. "Bill! Dance with me!" She suddenly bounced out of her chair and grasped her eldest brother's wrist, pulling him towards the dance floor. He protested, having not even tasted his butter beer yet but it was no use because Ginny always got her way with her older brothers. Oliver and Percy each took a bar stool, staring at each other curiously for a while. "So" Said Percy, who itched his nose and rolled up the sleeves of his shiny satin jacket. "So.." Oliver replied, scratching the back of his neck before moving to the edge of his seat so he was leaning into Percy. Percy leaned back, slightly nervous, but his resolve changed and he leant forwards, placing a hand on the back of the keeper's neck. Their lips met and they moved closer still if it was possible until Oliver pulled away, gasping in sweet air. Percy followed suit, also needing air and Oliver reached for the bottles of butter beer besides them, downing them quickly. "Congratulations. You've been voted the most handsome birthday boy in this room. Your prize is me for the night" Oliver leered at Percy in a way that seemed almost playful. Percy Grinned and stood up. "Sleep on your stomach?" Oliver shook his head, 'no' making Percy grin like a chesire cat who'd just been given a very large saucer of milk.

"Can I?"

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Tada! Chapter two! What do you folks want next? Oliver and Percy having a nice little chat or Oliver and Percy having "_a nice little chat_" nudge nudge wink wink

let me know and you'll soon see it in the next chapter.. Tabby you better let me know what you think missy! you're going to be governing a ot of these stories


	3. Catching Love

**Chapter Three**

"So, I won you huh?" Percy chuckled as he opened his apartment door, pushing it open with a scrawny hip and gesturing for Oliver to enter first. The athlete moved past, giving a quiet thanks and toed off his shoes, shrugging off his jacket. Percy locked the door behind him and followed Oliver in taking off his shoes and suit jacket which he threw over the back of a chair in the dining area, whilst Oliver's sat with Percy's jackets and winter coats on a coat rack. Oliver watched Percy's back for a moment as he moved towards his kitchen. Oliver was sure the red head was shaking his hips, just slightly.

"Aye, Perce, You've won me. Don't you just feel honoured" Percy's laughter carried in from the kitchen as Oliver sat himself on a large black leather couch, the breakfast bar of the kitchen was located a short space away from the back of the couch. "Any rules then, stud?" Percy blushed slightly but carried on laughing, he'd drunk a little too much. Oliver let out a sigh and rolled his shoulders, unbuttoning his shirt to cool himself down slightly. He also hated having things around his throat. Percy came and sat next to him, placing to mugs of what smelled like Hot Chocolate made with milk on the coffee table. Oliver grinned and instantly took a cup, sipping. "You remembered" He looked fondly at Percy as he put down the mug and Percy gave a wordless nod. Oliver felt his stomach tighten, butterflies attacked his stomach as he looked on at Percy. He blushed slightly and wrapped an arm loosely around Percy's shoulders, experimental. Percy smiled up at him and the two gravitated towards each other.

This kiss was shy and timid, almost as though they hadn't snogged in a club only twenty minutes ago. Oliver let out a quiet groan from the back of his throat and Percy pulled away, panicking that he'd injured the other man or that there were second thoughts. Oliver blushed a deep red. "Sorry, felt nice" He offered Percy a smile and the red head was releaved, shifting his legs over the brunette's lap as he pulled at the collar of Oliver's shirt. Oliver took the hint and maneuvered his legs to straddle Percy, pushing his weight to his elbows with Percy trapped beneath him. He kissed the red head again, holding back the urge to roll his hips against those beneath his own. He instead reached a hand between them to pull the hem of Percy's shirt from his pants, noticing that the material was as soft as it was shiny. Percy stiffened slightly beneath him and the redhead pulled his lips away. "Oliver… I.. How… Is this just a one off thing or?" Percy's large blue eyes stared up at Oliver holding so much confusion and wonder and fear that Oliver wanted to melt into a blanket and wrap himself around the young man in protection.

"I'm yours for as long as you want me, Perce" Oliver kissed Percy's forehead, keeping his lips against the slick warm flesh for several moments. "I've wanted you for years, Percy. Years" Oliver pressed his forehead now to Percy's, their breath's mingling. Percy shifted his head, kissing Oliver's adam's apple. The athlete groaned as the man beneath him massaged his throat with lips and tongue. "Perce.. Stop that.. It feels so.." Oliver broke out into another moan as Percy began to unbutton Oliver's own white shirt and pressed cold hands to warm skin. For someone who'd always been prudish and quiet, Percy was also very sensual.

Oliver shifted, straddling Percy's hips and pushed the cold hands above the other's head. He moved his own back to Percy's throat and undid the stark red tie that was the only colour in his actual outfit. He threw it aside, and pushed his own shirt off his shoulders, throwing it to the black leather armchair before turning back to Percy. The Weasley's eyes were as big as saucers as they fell on the Athlete's toned and tanned body. Oliver blushed slightly, he always had been a bit wary of showing off his body, he hated vast amounts of attention and was often regretful that quidditch had rocketed him to stardom. Percy sat up and placed a kiss in the centre of Oliver's chest, hands grasping the keeper's hips for stability. Oliver put a hand to the other man's hair, tangling it for a moment in rich curls before gently pushing the other back to the cushions of the settee, and continuing his task of stripping him. "Your freckles.. Are they everywhere?" Oliver quirked a brow, he'd seen the freckles on Percy's torso when they were at Hogwarts but now they were less prominent due to the healthy tan that made Percy look less pallid. Percy gave an embarrassed nod and chuckled "You'll have to see for yourself". Oliver grinned wolfishly, he had every intention to do _just _that.

It wasn't long before Percy and Oliver grew fed up of the limited space of the sofa and Percy suggested they move to somewhere a little more spacious. Percy had slid himself from underneath the keeper and kissed the athlete on the lips before dashing off down a nearby corridor. Oliver followed, slowly for once, and found the doorway at the end of the hall was open and letting out a soft golden glow. The glow of candle light.

Oliver stepped carefully into the room, his movement quiet and easy, steps seemingly measured as they were silent. Percy had lit several red candles, in the corners of what must have been his master bedroom. The décor itself was cream and red with the use of deep, dark mahogany to separate colours.

Percy was perched, cross legged on the centre of the bed. He'd stripped off his trousers and was left in dark green boxers that were complimented by the scarlet sheets beneath him. Oliver let out a low whistle of appreciation. He moved towards the bed, paused to kick off his jeans then crawled onto Percy's bed, kissing the other man. "Hey, Perce" His voice was soft but there was a playful charm in it that made Percy want to hear more "What's the difference between a hard on and a Ferrari?". Oliver was already chuckling to himself as Percy shrugged his shoulders. There was the obvious difference between an erection and a fast car but there were always links between them like Men buying fast cars to compensate what they lacked. Percy had no clue. "I don't have a Ferrari" Oliver laughed and Percy couldn't help following suit. It was just too cheesy not to laugh. He swatted Oliver's shoulder and kissed the other man, falling against his pillows. Oliver settled down next to him and touched his feet to Percy's. Percy instantly wrapped his legs around Oliver's, pulling them closer together.

"Perce, I don't wanna go any further, not till we've sorted this" He gestured vaguely about them with his hands "out". Percy knew what he meant. He meant their status, relationship even. Percy furrowed his brows slightly, his face muscles relaxed when one of Oliver's rough hands brushed his against his cheek. "You make my dreams, Ol" Percy blushed, feeling cheesy but it seemed to be all Oliver really needed to hear because the keeper pushed forwards and pulled the lithe Weasley closer. He kissed Percy harshly before putting his forehead to Percy's. "Of all the dreams I've had, they've never been like this" He slipped his hand down to the waistband of Percy's boxers and kissed a freckled forehead.

All he'd ever wanted was right in front of him.

"Can you catch love, Ol?" Percy snickered to himself as Oliver looked at him in cofusion. "You've got a couple of balls coming your way"

* * *

**Author's Notes:** One thing I love about this story is that I got to go look up millions of stupid chat up lines teehee.. will eventually get something for you all that is really rather erm raunchy lol.. eventually 


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